


Two Masochists Hiding (Only From Each Other)

by RjIsRandom



Category: Grey's Anatomy
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-25
Updated: 2020-11-25
Packaged: 2021-03-09 21:47:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27712925
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RjIsRandom/pseuds/RjIsRandom
Summary: You dare to hope that maybe this would make things change, you both know that it won’t. There’s nothing else you can give her.A Meddison fanfic.
Relationships: Meredith Grey/Addison Montgomery
Comments: 5
Kudos: 12





	Two Masochists Hiding (Only From Each Other)

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Nothing's Gonna Stop Us Now](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14151828) by [lespians](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lespians/pseuds/lespians). 



You want to hold her, keep her steady in your arms. She fits in the small space, so comfortable and warm. She’s keeping you afloat, she’s bridging the gap, and even as you dare to hope that maybe this would make things change, you both know that it won’t. There’s nothing else you can give her but these moments. The ones you steal in-between surgeries, the seconds in-between the fights and all the hurt you caused. It feels like crashing into each other, even as she was so slow to touch you, as though your skin would burn her. Maybe it has. Maybe you always will. Maybe you’re both masochists, clinging on to the pain as though it is the only thing that keeps you breathing.

She’ll follow you until you can’t breathe and you’re begging for mercy. You’re tired and you can’t sleep, can’t eat, you can’t even think for yourself - all because she’s begging for you to be there, when you both fall off the edge and hold onto each other in these quiet, alone moments. She’s where your energy comes from. She brings it to you in the silence, holds herself up to let you recharge. Her arms bring with them comfort and replenishment, all of the comforts that you’ve been missing while she’s been gone. When she leaves again, you’ll go back to being Meredith Grey, and she’ll go back to being Addison Montgomery, and you’ll both walk alone through the halls of the hospital. You’ll go back to pretending like your skin doesn’t know her touch, like your heart isn’t healed by her smile. And she’ll go back to looking at you as though she hasn’t seen all of you, as though she hasn’t known every last bit of who you are. She’ll continue to act like you’re just another intern, and you’ll have to act like your eagerness to be around her is just so you can get in on one of her surgeries. You’ll be fake, broken and alone, and pretending like your saviour is gone.

She lets go, eventually. Slides out of your arms, her smile not quite reaching her eyes. You would give up everything to make it better, to take away the hurt, but you both know that doing this – that letting yourselves collide into each other is the thing that is breaking you both, cracking your edges and shattering you with each footstep you take away from each other.

  
But even as she falls from your hands, her heels walking away in a staccato that punches you with each step, you know that she will come back for more. When she does, you will be there, broken as ever. Waiting for her to put your pieces back together just to hear the symphony of your soul shattering when she leaves again. You think about going after her, about calling her name and giving in, of kissing those lips you think about so much. But instead, you let her go.

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know why I'm writing so much Meddison/MerAdd lately but I hope you like it.  
> I listened to this playlist while writing this for the sad vibes if you want to check it out: https://music.amazon.co.uk/user-playlists/e571230ca311488488b91b7626e4ea86engb?marketplaceId=A1F83G8C2ARO7P&musicTerritory=GB  
> It's also heavily inspired by (and I snuck some lyrics in) Bad Dreams by Faouzia. Listen here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kq0XPWVe3AE
> 
> As usual, comments and kudos fuel the muse!  
> Follow me on twitter, I post regular updates about my work on there: @Rj_Is_Random


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